Keys to a successful muslim marriage

In the present age, in order to be a good Muslim, a good husband, and a good wife, it is not sufficient merely to know one’s rights and responsibilities. Rather, along with fulfilling these rights, it is also necessary to observe good character, good treatment, mutual respect, loyalty, patience, sacrifice, and consideration for each other’s circumstances and needs. The relationship between husband and wife is strengthened not merely through legal rules, but through love, trust, sincere concern, and good conduct. Some important points in this regard are as follows:

Characteristics of a Good Muslim

1. Fulfil the rights of Allah Almighty: Observe Salah, fasting, and other obligations, and remain mindful of what is lawful and unlawful.

2. Adopt good character: Good character is a means of completing one’s faith. A person should behave well with his family, wife, children, parents, relatives, and others.

3. Observe the rights of people: Do not violate the rights of others, do not oppress anyone, and make an effort to fulfil the rights and obligations that are due upon you.

4. Be good to one’s family as well: One of the important manifestations of a person’s goodness is that he treats his family well.

5. Exercise patience and forbearance: Especially in married life, every disagreement should not become a cause for conflict. One should try to resolve matters with patience, wisdom, and mutual understanding.

6. Avoid arrogance, abusive language, insults, and verbal abuse: Even during disagreements, one should not hurt the dignity and honour of the other person.

7. Keep one’s desires subject to Shariah: One should not make the changing trends of modern society the standard of truth; rather, matters of Halal and Haram should be determined in the light of Shariah.

8. Make the home a centre of faith, peace, and love: Husband and wife should help one another in righteousness, worship, and attaining success in the Hereafter.

Characteristics of a Good Husband

1. Fulfil the responsibility of providing for his wife: Providing his wife with food, drink, basic human necessities, and suitable accommodation is the responsibility of the husband.

2. Provide suitable and dignified accommodation: It is not necessary for every wife to be provided with a completely separate house, but she must be provided with a private room and accommodation where her privacy is protected and there is no unnecessary interference from others.

3. Treat his wife well: He should regard her as a blessing bestowed by Allah Almighty, value her, love her, and treat her with kindness and good character.

4. Do not humiliate, abuse, or physically mistreat his wife: Verbal abuse, humiliation, mistreatment, and damaging the dignity of one’s wife are strongly reprehensible.

5. Take care of his wife’s needs and comfort: Merely providing food and accommodation is not sufficient; he should also consider her emotions, comfort, dignity, and legitimate needs.

6. Cooperate in his wife’s medical treatment and needs according to his means: He should not simply avoid responsibility by saying that a particular matter is not legally obligatory upon him. Married life is maintained through good treatment and mutual cooperation.

7. Deal with his wife with compassion and patience: If she makes a mistake, he should not become harsh over every minor matter. Rather, he should exercise forgiveness, patience, and wisdom while trying to correct her.

8. Protect his wife’s dignity and privacy: He should not disclose her personal matters, shortcomings, or private household affairs to other people.

9. Fulfil his wife’s marital rights: Without a valid excuse, it is not appropriate to refrain from marital relations with one’s wife for a prolonged period; her marital rights should also be taken into consideration.

10. Allow his wife to maintain an appropriate relationship with her parents and relatives: Within customary and Shariah limits, he should not deprive her of visiting her parents, visiting them during illness, attending their condolences, and maintaining appropriate family ties.

11. Do not threaten his wife with divorce without reason: Divorce should not be used as a weapon over ordinary disagreements, nor should a husband force his wife to seek Khula.

12. Try to resolve disagreements: If marital disagreement becomes serious, sensible and religiously committed people from both families should be involved in an effort toward reconciliation.

13. Be good to his children and family as well as his wife: A good husband is not merely someone who appears good outside the home; rather, he is someone who demonstrates excellent character within his own home as well.

Characteristics of a Good Wife

1. Obey her husband in permissible matters: She should follow her husband’s lawful instructions and regard him with respect and honour.

2. Remain loyal to her husband: In her husband’s absence, she should protect her honour and chastity, his property, and the household, and refrain from every form of betrayal.

3. Treat her husband with love and good character: She should express happiness when he comes home, adorn herself for him, and strive to make the home a place of love and tranquillity.

4. Do not disclose her husband’s shortcomings or household secrets: Revealing her husband’s weaknesses to others damages marital trust.

5. Take proper care of household affairs: She should regard the management of the home as a responsibility and strive to carry it out with good sense and efficiency.

6. Be sincerely concerned for her husband: She should seek what is good for his wealth, honour, health, future, and Hereafter, and remain sincere towards him.

7. Treat her husband’s parents and family well: Particularly when they are in need, serving and assisting them according to one’s ability is part of good marital conduct.

8. Take care of her husband’s legitimate wishes and rights: In married life, both spouses must fulfil each other’s rights. It is not a correct way of living to demand only one’s own rights while disregarding the rights of the other.

9. Avoid ingratitude and verbal abuse towards her husband: She should not forget her husband’s blessings and favours because of ordinary disagreements or continuously reproach and insult him.

10. Maintain ties with her parents and relatives: She should visit them, inquire about their wellbeing, visit them during illness, offer condolences, and show concern for them, within the limits of Shariah and accepted custom.

11. Give special importance to serving needy parents: If one of her parents becomes so disabled or dependent that there is no one else to look after them, then the importance of serving such parents becomes especially great.

12. Do not spread marital disagreements among people: Instead of sharing every minor issue on social media or with friends and relatives, the couple should first try to resolve matters between themselves.

13. Cooperate with her husband: In the modern age, household matters should not be conducted merely on the principle of “this is not my responsibility” and “that is not your responsibility.” Rather, they should be managed through mutual cooperation, love, and sacrifice.

Common Principles for Both Husband and Wife

1. Respect one another.

2. Conceal each other’s weaknesses and shortcomings.

3. Protect each other’s private matters and secrets.

4. Avoid insults, humiliation, and threats of divorce or separation in anger.

5. Do not turn disagreements into matters of ego.

6. Take care of each other’s legitimate needs.

7. Maintain mutual trust and honesty in financial matters.

8. Treat each other’s parents and families with appropriate respect.

9. Maintain a spirit of mutual cooperation and sacrifice in household matters.

10. Support one another in the religious and moral upbringing of the children.

11. Encourage one another towards righteousness and the Hereafter rather than towards sin.

12. Do not allow mobile phones, social media, and modern technology to become a means of damaging marital trust.

13. Avoid unnecessary relationships with non-Mahrams and give marital loyalty the highest priority.

14. Do not keep love confined to the heart; express it through kind words, attention, time, and good treatment.

15. In every matter, instead of only asking, “What is my right?”, also ask, “What is my responsibility?”

References and Evidences

Qur’anic Guidance

“ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡضٖ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُواْ مِنۡ أَمۡوَٰلِهِمۡۚ فَٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتُ قَٰنِتَٰتٌ حَٰفِظَٰتٞ لِّلۡغَيۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُۚ وَٱلَّٰتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهۡجُرُوهُنَّ فِي ٱلۡمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّۖ فَإِنۡ أَطَعۡنَكُمۡ فَلَا تَبۡغُواْ عَلَيۡهِنَّ سَبِيلًاۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيّٗا كَبِيرٗا، وَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ شِقَاقَ بَيۡنِهِمَا فَٱبۡعَثُواْ حَكَمٗا مِّنۡ أَهۡلِهِۦ وَحَكَمٗا مِّنۡ أَهۡلِهَآ إِن يُرِيدَآ إِصۡلَٰحٗا يُوَفِّقِ ٱللَّهُ بَيۡنَهُمَآۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرٗا، ”

(Surah al-Nisa, Verses 34/35)

Translation:

“Men are caretakers of women because Allah has given some of them an advantage over others and because they spend of their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard, in the husband’s absence, what Allah has commanded them to guard. As for those women whose disobedience you fear, advise them, forsake them in bed, and strike them. Then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them. Surely Allah is Most High, Most Great. And if you fear a split between them, appoint an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family. If both desire reconciliation, Allah will bring about harmony between them. Surely Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.”

Regarding the Mutual Rights of Husband and Wife

“واستوصوا بالنساء خيرا، فإنما هن عوان عندكم، ليس تملكون منهن شيئا غير ذلك، إلا أن يأتين بفاحشة مبينة، فإن فعلن، فاهجروهن في المضاجع، واضربوهن ضربا غير مبرح، فإن أطعنكم فلا تبغوا عليهن سبيلا، ألا إن لكم على نسائكم حقا، ولنسائكم عليكم حقا، فأما حقكم على نسائكم، فلا يوطئن فرشكم من تكرهون ولا يأذن في بيوتكم لمن تكرهون، ألا وحقهن عليكم أن تحسنوا إليهن في كسوتهن وطعامهن”

Translation:

“Treat women well and advise one another to treat them well, for they are under your care. You do not possess anything from them beyond that, except if they commit an obvious indecency. If they do so, then leave them in their beds and strike them without causing injury. If they obey you, then do not seek a way against them. Indeed, you have rights over your wives and your wives have rights over you. As for your right over your wives, they should not allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your beds, nor should they permit anyone whom you dislike to enter your homes. And their right over you is that you treat them well with regard to their clothing and food.”

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: “أكمل المؤمنين إيمانا أحسنهم خلقا، وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم”

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The most complete of the believers in faith are those who are best in character, and the best among you are those who are best to their wives.”

(باب ما جاء فی حق المراۃ علی زوجھا،ج:3،ص: 21ط :الرسالة)

Regarding Good Treatment Towards One’s Wife

"قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «أكمل المؤمنين إيماناً أحسنهم خلقاً، وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم» . رواه الترمذي".

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The most complete of the believers in faith are those who are best in character, and the best among you are those who are best to their wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.

(مشکاة المصابیح، 2/282، باب عشرة النساء، ط: قدیمي)

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The most complete in faith among the believers is the person who is the best in character among them, and the best among you is the person who is best towards his women.”

(مظاہر حق، 3/370، ط: دارالاشاعت)

"قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهلي".

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.”

(مشکاة المصابیح، 2/281، باب عشرة النساء، ط: قدیمي)

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The best among you is the person who is best towards his family his wife, children, relatives, and those under his care and I am the best among you towards my family.”

(مظاہر حق، 3/365، ط: دارالاشاعت)

"قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: لايفرك مؤمن مؤمنةً إن كره منها خلقاً رضي منها آخر. رواه مسلم".

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her qualities, he will be pleased with another.”

(مشکاة المصابیح، 2/280، باب عشرة النساء، ط: قدیمي)

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “A Muslim man should not harbour hatred towards a Muslim woman. If, in his view, one of her qualities or habits is disliked, then another quality or habit of hers will also be pleasing.”

(مظاہر حق، 3/354، ط: دارالاشاعت)

Regarding Obedience to the Husband

"قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «لو كنت آمر أحداً أن يسجد لأحد لأمرت المرأة أن تسجد لزوجها» . رواه الترمذي".

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate before anyone, I would certainly command a woman to prostrate before her husband.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.

(مشکاة المصابیح، 2/281، باب عشرة النساء، ط: قدیمی)

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “If I could command someone to prostrate before anyone other than Allah, I would certainly command a woman to prostrate before her husband.”

(مظاہر حق، 3/366، ط؛ دارالاشاعت)

"قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: المرأة إذا صلت خمسها وصامت شهرها وأحصنت فرجها وأطاعت بعلها فلتدخل من أي أبواب الجنة شاءت. رواه أبو نعيم في الحلية".

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “When a woman performs her five daily prayers, fasts her month, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she may enter Paradise through whichever of its gates she wishes.” Narrated by Abu Nu‘aym in al-Hilyah.

(مشکاة المصابیح، 2/281، باب عشرة النساء، ط: قدیمی)

Translation:

Hadhrat Anas رضي الله عنه says that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The woman who regularly performs the five daily prayers, fasts the obligatory fasts of Ramadan (including making up missed fasts), protects her chastity, and obeys her husband has the glad tidings that she may enter Paradise through whichever gate she wishes.”

(مظاہر حق، 3/366، ط: دارالاشاعت)

Regarding Serving the Husband and Good Marital Conduct

Translation:

Hadhrat Abu Hurairah رضي الله عنه says that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate before anyone other than Allah, I would certainly command a woman to prostrate before her husband.”

Regarding Mutual Rights and Household Responsibilities

It is mentioned in Fatawa Shami:

“أن كانت ممن تخدم نفسها وتقدر على ذلك لا يجب عليه ولا يجوز لها أخذ الأجرة على ذلك لوجوبه عليها ديانة ولو شريفة؛ لأنه عليه الصلاة والسلام قسم الأعمال بين علي وفاطمة، فجعل أعمال الخارج على علي رضي الله عنه والداخل على فاطمة رضي الله عنها مع أنها سيدة نساء العالمين”

Translation:

“If she is among those who can serve herself and is capable of doing so, it is not obligatory upon him to provide a servant for her, and it is not permissible for her to take payment for such service, because it is religiously obligatory upon her, even if she is of noble status. This is because the Prophet ﷺ divided the household duties between Ali and Fatimah, assigning the work outside the home to Ali رضي الله عنه and the work inside the home to Fatimah رضي الله عنها, even though she was the leader of the women of the worlds.”

کتاب النفقة ،ج:3،ص: 579:ط الحلبی)

It is also mentioned therein:

“أنها تخرج للوالدين في كل جمعة بإذنه وبدونه، وللمحارم في كل سنة مرة بإذنه وبدونه”

Translation:

“She may go out to visit her parents every Friday, with his permission or without his permission, and she may visit her Mahram relatives once every year, with his permission or without his permission.”

( کتاب النفقة ،ج:3 ص:602،ط :الحلبی )

It is mentioned in Al-Muhit Al-Burhani:

“وللرجل أن يأذن لامرأته بالخروج إلى سبعة مواطن:أحدها: إلى زيارة الأبوين وعيادتهما أو أحدهما وتعزيتهما أو تعزية أحدهما. والثانية: زيارة الأقرباء”

Translation:

“A man may permit his wife to go out for seven purposes. The first is to visit her parents, visit either of them when they are ill, or offer condolences to either of them. The second is to visit relatives.”

(کتاب النکاح ،ج 3،ص 171،ط:دارالکتب العلمیة)

It is also mentioned therein:

“امرأة لها أب زمن ليس له من يقوم عليه غير البنت، ويمنعها الزوج عن تعاهده جاز لها أن تعصي زوجها وتطيع أباها مؤمنا كان الأب أو كافرا؛ لأن القيام عليه فرض عليها في هذه الحالة وحق الزوج لا يظهر مع الفرائض.”

Translation:

“If a woman has a disabled father for whom there is no one to care except his daughter, and her husband prevents her from looking after him, it is permissible for her to disobey her husband and obey her father, regardless of whether the father is a believer or a disbeliever, because in this situation caring for him is obligatory upon her, and the husband’s right does not take precedence over obligatory duties.”

(ایضاََ،ص:172)

Regarding Good Conduct Between Husband and Wife

The command of Allah Almighty is:

ارشاد باری تعالیٰ ہے:

﴿ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ فَإِنْ كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَى أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا﴾ [النساء: 19]

Translation:

“And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good.” [Al-Nisa: 19]

Translation:

“And live with these women in a good and proper manner. If you dislike them, then it is possible that you dislike something while Allah Almighty has placed great benefit in it.” (From Bayan-ul-Quran)

“قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «أكمل المؤمنين إيماناً أحسنهم خلقاً، وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم» . رواه الترمذي”

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The most complete of the believers in faith are those who are best in character, and the best among you are those who are best to their wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.

(مشکاة المصابیح، 2/282، باب عشرة النساء، ط: قدیمي)

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The most complete in faith among the believers is the person who is the best in character among them, and the best among you is the person who is best towards his women.”

(مظاہر حق، 3/370، ط: دارالاشاعت)

"قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهلي".

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.”

(مشکاة المصابیح، 2/281، باب عشرة النساء، ط: قدیمي)

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The best among you is the person who is best towards his family—his wife, children, relatives, and those under his care—and I am the best among you towards my family.”

(مظاہر حق، 3/365، ط: دارالاشاعت)

“قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: لايفرك مؤمن مؤمنةً إن كره منها خلقاً رضي منها آخر. رواه مسلم”

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her qualities, he will be pleased with another.”

(مشکاة المصابیح، 2/280، باب عشرة النساء، ط: قدیمي)

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “A Muslim man should not harbour hatred towards a Muslim woman. If, in his view, one of her qualities or habits is disliked, then another quality or habit of hers will also be pleasing.”

(مظاہر حق، 3/354، ط: دارالاشاعت)

Regarding the Wife’s Marital Rights

"قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: إذا دعا الرجل امرأته إلى فراشه فأبت فبات غضبان لعنتها الملائكة حتى تصبح".

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry because of that refusal, the angels continue to curse her until morning.”

(مشکاة المصابیح، 2/280، باب عشرة النساء، ط: قدیمی)

Translation:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “If a man calls his wife to share the marital bed and she refuses, and the husband remains angry throughout the night because of this refusal, the angels continue to send curses upon that woman until morning.”

(مظاہر حق، 3/358، ط؛ دارالاشاعت)

Regarding Household Responsibilities and Mutual Obligations

Translation:

“The meaning is that prostrating before anyone other than Allah, the Lord and the One who is worshipped, is not permissible. If prostrating before anyone other than Allah were permissible, I would command a woman to prostrate before her husband, because a husband has many rights over his wife, the fulfilment of which she is unable to fully accomplish. Thus, this noble statement explains and emphasizes the importance of the fact that obedience and compliance with her husband are obligatory upon the wife.”

And Allah knows best.